“Sugar dating” among college students in the United States
Nama O’Donnell
*
B.A. Candidate, Department of Psychology, California State University Stanislaus, 1 University Circle, Turlock, CA 95382
Received 30 April, 2018; accepted 15 May 2018
Abstract
Sex work is and has been a consistent and ever-growing institution that continues to exist throughout the world today. Although sex
work has been around for centuries, more recently a new facet of this industry has emerged: Sugar Dating. Sugar Dating is a phenomenon
where individuals who are older and of a higher socioeconomic class engage in relationships with younger individuals who are of a lower
socioeconomic class. The difference between these relationships and other intergenerational relationships is that Sugar Dating
relationships often involve an exchange of money or gifts from the older and richer partner for the companionship of the younger partner.
Research on these relationships has been limited, but the media coverage has been consistent. There has been generally positive coverage
of these types of relationships in the media, which has led to a spike in interest by the general population, causing young women to engage
in relationships that are said to be based on companionship when, in reality, these relationships are more focused on power, money, and
sex. This paper looks at the negative effects of these relationships, including sexual exploitation and violence, and what we can do as a
society to help change the narrative about sex work.
Keywords: Sex work, human trafficking, sugar dating, prostitution
Introduction
Sex work is an institution that has been around for
centuries and has not only maintained, but grown
exponentially over the course of history. It is hard to
estimate just how many individuals are in the sex
industry because it is so diverse. Some of the major
facets include sex-trafficking, prostitution, and the
pornography industry. Each of these have different
levels of acceptance and stigma attached to them with
pornography being the most widely accepted.
Prostitution and sex-trafficking, on the other hand, have
a negative connotation surrounding them. This often
comes from the exploitation factor that surrounds these
facets of sex work. Often there are children who become
forced into prostitution and sex trafficking. The feelings
conveyed by this line of work are understandable.
However, in cases of prostitution, and generally selling
sex for money, it is sometimes described as being okay
if the sex worker is able to freely choose to stay in the
profession (Sanders, 2006). Although this is often not
seen as acceptable to most of society, there is one type
of sex work that has become popularized in the past
couple decades: sugar dating.
Recently, there has been a trend in acceptance in
commercialization of sex, which has led to an increase
in sex as a commodity being mainstreamed in society.
Researchers have found evidence to support this
increase in societal acceptance (Brents and Sanders,
*
Corresponding author. Email: aodonnell1@csustan.edu
2010). This research focused on how sex has become
overly commercialized throughout the world and the
consequences of this. Brents and Sanders found
evidence to support that changes in social and economic
values and structures, there has been an increase in sex
work as a result. Young adults, especially college
students, are at a greater financial vulnerability due to
the increase in college tuition prices as well as the
general increase in cost of living. Minimum wage has
not increased enough for these individuals to be able to
provide for themselves, which causes many college
students to have to/consider moving back home. This
can often times cause feelings of depression and
lowered self-esteem for these adults, which can push
them to finding alternatives in sex work.
Sugar dating is posed as a safe and easy alternative
to trying to balance school and working one or more
part-time jobs. However, sugar dating is not as simple
as it may seem on the surface. Although there has not
been much research done on the topic, there has been an
increasing social awareness of the industry. This social
awareness has led to discussions about the reality of
sugar dating and the consequences that this industry has
on individuals and the greater society.
Sugar dating relationships
Sugar dating is an endeavor that is almost
exclusively originated through online means of
communication. There are many dating type websites
and dating applications that promote sugar babies and
daddies/mommas to come together to form relationships.
The main reason that sugar dating is done online is due
to convenience. It is easier to meet a large variety of
individuals online as opposed to in person. It takes less
time and you can find out a good amount of information
about an individual in a concise profile. Also, it is easier
to meet people who live in a larger mileage range from
an individual’s location. Due to the ease of using online
applications to achieve sugar dating relationships, there
are a variety of online businesses that have popped up
that cater to individuals seeking this type of relationship
specifically. Other apps, although they don’t directly
cater to this population of individuals, have seen an
increase in use of the services to engage in sugar dating.
There are many websites and services that have
popped up to engage this rapidly growing industry and
they too must tread lightly in order to avoid legal trouble.
However, these types of sights are not the only way that
sugar-babies and sugar-daddies/mommies are finding
each other. Many individuals are using common dating
and hook-up apps in order to find others who want a
sugar-dating type relationship. One such app is Tinder.
Tinder is a dating app that many individuals use to meet
potential individuals to have some type of relationship
with. Some individuals use the app for dating, casual sex,
or even friendship. Individuals make a profile and can
set preferences for gender and location range in miles
from their current destination. From there, app users are
able to see other users in their area and can choose to
“like” or “not like” them. If two users both “like” each
other, they will match and can proceed to have a
conversation with the other and let the relationship,
whatever that may be, develop from there. Tinder, as an
app, does not facilitate the types of relationships users
engage in, so there is no risk to the company if their
customers use their app to trade sexual intercourse for
material gain. Due to this, Tinder has become a popular
way for individuals to engage in sugar-dating
relationships.
Other than Tinder, or other general social media
platforms like Facebook or Instagram, there are many
specific websites and mobile applications that are
geared toward sugar dating specifically. For android and
ios (Apple) mobile devices, there are apps such as
SugarDaddyMeet and SugaDady which work to match
potential sugar babies with sugar daddies. There are also
applications that match up with sugar dating websites
like SeekingArrangement (Best Sugar Daddy Apps for
iPhone & Android, 2018). SeekingArrangement is one
of the most popular sugar dating websites currently
around, with millions of members worldwide (About us,
2018).
Demographics
Most sugar daddies and mommas are older
individuals who are high middle class to upper class.
Outside of these commonalities, there is not a lot that
sugar daddies and mommas have in common. Sugar
babies can be both male and female and may have a
sugar daddy or momma no matter the sugar baby’s
gender. However, most often couplings are female sugar
babies and sugar daddies. This is due to a higher demand
from sugar daddies for young, attractive female sugar
babies. There are not as many older females looking for
younger males to have this type of relationship with.
This can be seen on one of the leading online meeting
sites for sugar babies and daddies/mommas:
SeekingArrangement. SeekingArrangement boasts
about having 10 million active members, with most of
their population being sugar daddies and young women
(About Us, 2017).
SeekingArrangement actively caters to these sugar
daddies who are looking for young women to have
relationships with. They have a number of
advertisements, both online and physical, aimed at
specifically young, attractive women. Example of
physical advertisements are mainly seen with billboards
in major cities like Los Angeles, New York City, and
Chicago. Some of these billboards have saying such as
“Happy 18th Birthday! Meet Your New Daddy” and
“Don’t get screwed by Obama care. Find a sugar daddy”.
Along with billboards, SeekingArrangement also has
ads throughout the internet, including Google
advertisements. If you google “sugar daddy” or a
variation of such, about half of the results are simply
advertisements for SeekingArrangement and other
websites like it, not even just links to their page, but paid
for advertisements from said websites.
SeekingArrangment conducts video ad campaigns
illustrating their services, as well. One of these
commercials is very obviously targeting young,
attractive women with their headline “Sugar Baby
University: Say goodbye to college debt and hello to a
higher class education,” (Sugar Baby University, 2018).
All of these advertisements are clearly geared toward
recruiting young, attractive women to be employees of
their services. SeekingArrangement goes as far as
offering incentives to college students for joining their
site. If an sugar baby joins SeekingArrangement using
a .edu email, they will have access to a premium account
for free, as opposed to paying upwards of $1000/month
that a premium account would cost normally (Kitchener,
2014).
In terms of the sugar daddies using the website,
there is no outward advertisements geared toward them.
This makes sense seeing as the wealthy men are the ones
actively trying to find younger women and are willing
to pay quite a bit of money to do so. However, there is
an incentive sugar daddies can take advantage of
through SeekingArrangement. SeekingArrangement
allows sugar daddies to promote the website’s services
on the sugar daddies’ own websites (or personally) for
a commission. For every sugar daddy that brings in
other sugar daddies, the original sugar daddy will make
commission off of all the money that the other sugar
daddies pay to/through the site (Affiliate, 2018). This,
and word of mouth, are really the only way that
SeekingArrangement gains their consumers. However,
it seems to work as the site is obviously profitable and
successful.
Gender differences
Although sugar dating has become a common
cultural phenomenon over the past decade, there has
been very little research done on the topic. However,
there are common patterns that can be seen through
individuals’ experiences with sugar dating. Sugar
daddies and their female sugar babies engage in
relationships much differently than sugar mommas and
their male sugar babies. The biggest difference between
these pairings is in regards to sex. Sugar daddy/female
baby relationships tend to focus more on sex as a
priority, while sugar momma/male baby relationships
tend to be more about developing a nurturing
relationship with sex as a possible occurrence down the
road as a part of the relationship. A former female sugar
baby stated that in her relationships with sugar daddies
that technically “sex was never a requirement on
Seeking Arrangement, though I found it was often the
main aspiration for these men” (Anonymous, 2017). In
another article, three male sugar babies shared their
experiences with their sugar mommas. Each of the men
agreed that “sex was never forced or expected in the
beginning” and that “gifts were never in exchange for
sex” (Hsieh, 2018). Women explain that there
relationships with men often focus on sexual appeal and
sexual activity. A good example of this is women often
engage with men over long periods of time. One female
sugar baby met with a man once and was paid $500 for
a small dinner and a few hours spent in a hotel room
with a jacuzzi and champagne (Anonymous, 2017).
Men describe their interactions with their sugar
mommas as being more like a regular relationship,
where their partner just happens to be quite a bit older
and of a higher socioeconomic status. In an interview
about their sugar dating relationships, three men
commented that the financial status of their sugar
mommas had no bearing on their relationships. The
three men stated that they would have engaged in a
relationship with the same women given the opportunity
even outside of a sugar momma/sugar baby type
relationship. These men also had monogamous
relationships with their partners and the relationships
only ended due to changes in life circumstances rather
than over money or a similar issue (Hsieh, 2018).
Overall, it is evident that female sugar babies are more
likely to engage in relationships that resemble sex work,
while male sugar babies are more likely to engage in
relationships that are based on mutual respect and
compassion.
Consequences of sugar dating
Sugar dating is not a simple entity that is limited to
effects within individual relationships. These
relationships also affect society as a whole. These
consequences are necessary and important to
understand how sugar dating may benefit sex workers
and make these types of relationships safer, and at the
same time possibly be encouraging misogynistic views
in society.
Positive aspects
Although sugar dating can be seen as a form of sex
work, sugar dating has an advantage over other sex work
platforms. Like sugar dating, other sex workers have
transitioned to digital. The internet has become an easy
way for sex workers to help themselves stay safe while
working. It is known that sex work is a risky career for
many reasons. By using the internet to their advantage,
sex workers are able to find clients online and be able to
do background searches and find other information
before they ever meet their client in person, which
allows the sex workers to stay safer while doing their
jobs. Also, sex workers who work online can often
avoid pimps who would exploit them and cause them
pain. Being online allows sex workers to work from
home and remain somewhat anonymous to other people
in their life. Sugar dating is one way that sex workers
are able to take advantage of the online sex industry.
Negative aspects
Sugar dating has become not only a common
practice in society, but an accepted and encouraged one.
The media has helped mainstream these relationships by
showing only the positive aspects of these interactions.
As shown above, sugar dating has also allowed many
sex workers a safety net by being able to check out
clients online before meeting them in person. However,
many of the women who make accounts on sites like
SeekingArrangement are not experienced sex workers
and/or do not make an account under the assumption
that sexual activity is expected. SeekingArrangement as
a site does not technically promote sex for money, but
most sugar daddies on the site expect sex from their
sugar babies.
Researchers found that there were many sugar
babies who after engaging in a few “dates” through
SeekingArrangement that they felt uncomfortable and
ended up getting rid of their profile (Bien-Aime, 2017).
These stories about women who feel exploited or
coerced into sex from the sugar daddies that they meet
on sugar dating sites are not the stories that get
popularized in the media. The more popular stories are
those that show the benefits of sugar dating and how
college women have been able to pay for their tuition
without having to get a job while in school (Wexler,
2017). Due to this absence of bad press on the realities
of sugar dating, there continues to be a flood of young
women seeking these types of relationships with older
men, without being aware of what these men will ask of
them. Due to this, many women are vulnerable to be
taken advantage of due to their naivety. This is in no
way the victim’s fault, and society should be more open
to sharing stories about what can go wrong and how to
help sex workers engage with clients more safely.
However, this is not the reality and instead sex workers
are often blamed, or not believed, about the abuse that
they may suffer at the hands of their clients. In 2013, a
young woman in her mid-twenties was raped by an older
man she met through SeekingArrangement. During their
second “date,” he pinned her down and forced her to
have sex with him. The woman went to the hospital after
she left and had a rape-kit done and filed a report with
the police (Chung, 2017). Even though this woman did
everything that society claims a rape victim is supposed
to do (i.e. report immediately and keep your story
straight), she was still blamed for her attack because she
was a sex worker. The case was dropped by police
because they deemed there wasn’t enough evidence to
convict her wealthy-high status, rapist. Worse, the press
stated that the woman was only “crying rape” in order
to try and get money from her attacker (Jacobs, 2013).
This stereotype about women crying rape in order to get
money is sadly a common way for society, especially
the media, to claim that rate of false rape accusations is
high when it really isn’t. This, accompanied with the
high rates of victim blaming and the high
socioeconomic status of sugar-baby clients gives little
room for victims of sexual violence at the hands of these
men to speak up and share their stories.
The reality is that sugar dating is very similar to
prostitution, but there are no legislation to help monitor
this part of the sex industry. There are no protections to
help sugar-babies who may become victim to sexual
violence at the hands of their sugar daddies. This leaves
sex workers open to predators who are looking to add to
their sex trafficking or prostitution ring. Having this
type of business conducted online is a good way to help
weed out predators, but there is only so much a person
can do to try and protect themselves, when they really
shouldn’t have to. Sex workers deserve just as much
trust and compassion as any other individual, but sadly
sex workers are believed and blamed for their
victimization even more so by society than the general
population. This only causes more stigmatization and
less reporting, and in turn no legislation to help protect
this population of individuals.
Discussion
Sugar dating, and all it encompasses, has drawn
attention from psychologists and sociologists who
wonder just how close sugar dating is to prostitution and
other forms of sex work. Although there are similarities,
mainly that of sexual favors in exchange for monetary
gifts, this is not the main issue to be discussed. Research
does not need to show how sugar dating is similar to
prostitution. Instead, research should be wielded to help
support sex workers themselves and make it a safer
industry.
Future research needs to be done on this topic. The
information here is simplified and general in regards to
sugar dating. Research should be done to understand
further the consequences, both good and bad, that sugar
dating has on society. This research is necessary in order
to protect sex workers who engage in sugar dating as a
part of their career, as well as to protect individuals who
go into sugar dating inexperienced and at risk for
exploitation. Also, further research on gender
differences in sugar dating should be done to understand
how the patriarchy and misogynistic tendencies affect
how women view themselves as sex objects and why
this may lead them into sex work, as opposed to another
career.
Overall, sugar dating is just one facet of a large sex
work industry. Sex work has jobs worldwide, and sugar
dating is a career that comes with a higher salary than a
lot of other common jobs. The promise of paid tuition,
health insurance, and other expenses has drawn in
millions of individuals to sugar dating. Research on this
phenomenon is important so that society can understand
the effects and what changes should be made to help sex
workers if need be, but researchers have the duty to help
de-stigmatize sex work as well
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